Our Pipeline Love
by Dathtato
Summary: Caitlin finds herself in a very serious situation causing her to think about her feelings. Mainly her feelings about Barry Allen and how he is the last man on her earth she is capable of physically touching.


**So I'm trying my hand at more romantic angst, do let me know how it goes as I don't think the intensity or amount was enough. I am also explicitly stating that at no point in this story is there cheating or do feelings, romantic or sexual, between characters develop while said characters are in a relationship**

In life Caitlin had learnt one crucial fact about herself. She did not like to feel forced. Not at all, whether it be ordering a certain meal, wearing certain clothes or in her case falling in love for a certain big goofy soft hero. So maybe that was why she was struggling to admit her feelings for Barry to herself. She couldn't possibly love him because if she did then it was because she was forced to, that was her mantra and she did not do things she was forced to do. She would not admit her feelings because if she did it meant she was forced to love him as he was basically the only man left in her world.

The only thing was that there was no one to blame for seemingly being forced to this time, no one but herself. After her meta-human gene had activated cursing her with all the mind enthralling powers of a popsicle, ice goddess actually but most days it felt like being a popsicle, she had learnt very early on that skin on skin contact with another human being lasting longer than an instant would result in severe frostbite for them. So she was literally unable to touch another living individual for the rest of her days. All except Barry Allen the fastest man alive, if you exclude every other evil speedster ever, whose own body naturally counteracted her coldness. After she had discovered that particular little titbit she had stopped all contact in any regard, she was not some damsel in distress needing a hero to save her. She could go without human touch, be it a handshake or a hug or even sex, for the rest of her natural life. Which would most probably be very, very long…

Except four months in she couldn't anymore, she was starting to crave just feeling the skin of another living individual and had maybe started developing a delusional notion that if she didn't touch someone she would eventually become a Buffalo Bill type. Throwing people into a hole and saying bat shit insane things like, "It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose." Cisco was still in her bad graces for suggesting they watch that movie. So she allowed herself to simply shake Barry's hand, skin on skin, after he saved the city, _again._ And that held her for another few weeks until the urge became too strong again, forcing her to seek out human touch again. The feeling akin to a dehydrated man thirsting for water in a desert, a desert that just so happened to contain a single full water bottle that could run faster than sound. She had resisted with all her might for another couple of days before breaking down in the pipeline with crystallising tears rolling down her face.

That was how Barry had found her, sobbing like a child on the floor, and what started the whole mess she was in know, clutching a ring as she stood in his bedroom as he held her lovingly.

Many months ago, in the pipeline:

"Caitlin?" Barry softly shook his friends who was huddled into a corner on the floor crying her heart out. The heart he knew for a fact wasn't as frozen as she believed and wanted others to believe. If it was why would she re-join the team and help them. It benefitted her in no discernible way other than providing her with the love and support they would always have showed her no matter who she was.

"Barry?" She looked confused for a second before anger, relief and what looked like joy over took her face. Almost in an instant her hand was reaching for his face before it halted as suddenly as it had come, just a hair's breadth away. "Excuse me." She muttered angrily and ran out of their makeshift prison.

"You do realise you can't outrun me." He said matter of factly as she rounded a corner he had run to that was purposefully in her path.

"I can try." She muttered again as she gave him her coldest angry glare. To him though it looked oddly like a curmudgeonly pout, which in itself was adorable.

"You can but we both know. I'm. Faster." He smirked at her as she rounded the next corner he was waiting at. "Coffee?" Barry asked as he held out the cup, he had had some time to kill as he waited for her.

"Thanks." She grouched out reaching for the cup but halting again when her hand was closer to his, their bare fingers near each other. "Never mind. Just leave me alone Barry." She wouldn't allow herself to do it, it was perverse to use him in such a way if he didn't even know and she couldn't tell him. What would she even say? _Hey Barry I need to touch your skin_. Somehow she didn't think that would go down well.

"Why?" He smirked again at the next corner, this was becoming amusing and with her still needing to walk quite some distance before exiting Star Labs it appeared that the end was still some ways away.

"Because I asked you to." She grumped out, obviously more annoyed than amused now.

"Why?" He smirked again at the next corner, he knew Caitlin well enough by now to know there was something majorly wrong if she was acting cold and distant like this. Even with her powers affecting her personality somewhat, she hadn't been like this for months.

"Because that's what I want."

"Why."

Caitlin swore if he smirked at her again like that when she rounded a corner one more time that she would kill him. Instead of answering the man-child that was currently annoying her she ignored him and just kept walking. She just needed to get outside and then she could escape to have her emotional and mental breakdown in private somewhere far out in the desert.

"How about this. I'll compromise." He smirked at her, "You tell old Barry Allen what's bothering that beating heart of yours and I'll try to help."

"No." She blew past him again, leaving his so called _compromise_ behind.

"Guess I'll just have to annoy it out of you. And what with the elevator right there." He pointed. She glared at him again, clearly fully comprehending the threat he was making.

"You. Wouldn't. Dare."

"Watch-" He started and zoomed with her all the way back to the start of the hallway which was just inside of the pipeline, "me." He finished leaning against the corner, smirking at her. Without warning he felt the air around them cool to freezing levels and then he was dodging icicle spears.

"I told you to leave me alone!" She screamed at him and he realised for the first time just how bad he had fucked up in that moment.

He barely managed to dodge the circular ice blast she shot out all around her, only managing the feat by running along the wall and roof. Still she continued to attack him, throwing spears and ice blasts at him left, right and centre in a wildly chaotic yet planned pattern that had him nearly getting impaled or frozen a few times over. But he was still too fast for her, so he ran around her trying to create a vacuum. She was his friend and he didn't want to hurt her, especially when it was him acting like a fool, an asshole really, which had set her off. Before the vacuum could start to take hold however she froze the floor beneath them removing all the friction he had with the ground and sending him into a thankfully padded wall, which left him upended on the floor staring at the ceiling. He was just about to get up when he started to hear laughter behind him. No she wasn't laughing, it was more like… giggling? Caitlin Snow his friend, icy meta-human, biochemist and all round serious person was giggling. Because he had fallen. Could he have gotten a concussion? That seemed much more plausible.

"Thanks for that." She managed through a few pants before her fit of giggles started again. He smirked at being able to at least bring her some comedic relief for the moment.

"My pleasure." He faux grumbled, the genuine smile on his face giving him away, as he dramatically rubbed his lower back. "Want to talk about it?" He asked her this time, clearly trying to force it out of her wasn't the right approach.

"Not really, I just needed to blow off steam."

"It's more than that, I know. I won't make you tell me but just know that no matter what I'll always be there for you." He smiled at her, both content to leave it there. He walked down the hallway only stopping when…

"Barry-" Came the hesitantly pleading tone. With a sigh she looked at him, all traces of the previous mirth or anger gone, only leaving something hollow in her eyes. "It's my powers. I-I can't touch people." She was so busy looking at the floor that she missed the confused look on his face.

"Cait- I'm not really sure I understand." In fact he was certain he had a better grasp on quantum mechanics then the situation she had just presented him to.

She sighed again, only showing him how hard it must be for her to open up. "My powers keep my body constantly at a temperature that guarantees nearly instantaneous frostbite for anyone who comes into physical contact with me. It's one of the things that I won't ever be able to control, like how my hair colour is another."

"Okay… I think I'm getting there?"

"You dolt. Human touch is an everyday essential like water or food. A person can only go so long without it before there are side effects."

"But how do we solve this problem them?" Caitlin was honestly considering slamming her head against a concrete wall a few times, how could someone so fast be so slow to comprehend what she was implying.

"There is only one person that I know of on this earth that I can physically come into contact with without them freezing." Two if Wally hadn't decided to take an extended vacation on Earth-2 in order to give him and Jesse a real shot.

"Who?"

"You."

"Oh.

"Yeah, oh..." She mocked slightly, not trying to be mean but to convey her frustration. "Listen it doesn't matter." She was done making a fool of herself. She would cope with her new reality, she just had to. "Thanks for the laugh." She finished and rushed to walk past him.

Spinning around as a hand guided her to do so, she gaped at the hand currently on her wrist. Skin to skin contact. It felt like coming home and a lazy Sunday afternoon sun and all the other things people equate to pure bliss, it felt so goddamn good she almost whimpered in pleasure at the touch. Then his other hand closed over hers and she felt so indescribably happy, it felt like taking every upper in the world at the same time.

"Cait. I'm not going to even pretend I understand what you're going through but if you ever feel like you just need to touch or be touched by someone then tell me. You know you're my friend and that I'll do anything for you. Okay?" The concern evident in his eye was moving but that was just who he was as a person. Barry Allen was a soft and dorky, sometimes slow or fast, guy that had the biggest heart of anyone she knew.

"Yeah okay."

"Even if it is to be used as the human equivalent of a basic need of life." Barry smiled goofily at her and engulfed her in a hug before she could punch him, most likely to avoid the punch. She could feel his touch all over and it was fucking wonderful.

"Thanks Barry." She whispered as she burrowed in a little further.

A few weeks had passed by after that allowing them both to settle into a comfortable routine of being tactile with each other. Caitlin would never admit it but she found she enjoyed being physically clingy. Before her powers she only ever got like that with someone she was dating but she found herself holding onto Barry more often and for longer. Once she even caught herself basically hanging off his arm as they hung out in the cortex. The others had found it odd in the beginning but they seemed to mind their own business. Or so she had thought.

"So…" Cisco not so subtly tried to finagle something out of her, she smiled at her friend's antics and rolled her eyes as she continued to type. "You and Barry? What's going on there?"

"Nothing, you now that." Still she looked at the screen not bothering to look anywhere else as she was too engrossed in her work.

"Yeah but I also know that you two are also permanently touching each other. Getting all handsy-"

"Cisco!" She shrieked in a high pitched voice, sure that the blush she felt was visible even if scientifically it shouldn't be possible for her anymore. "We aren't getting handsy with each other. He's just helping me out with a problem."

"Oh! Now I get it. So like friends with benefits?" He more than enthusiastically cheered, not considering his words to not be socially polite.

"Cisco!" She admonished in a higher pitched voice, certain that her entire face was beet red. If he kept this up he might just make her ice powers turn into fire powers what with the heat she was feeling now. "No! Nothing like that! My powers stop me from touching-"

"Oh! And because he's a speedster he's naturally immune as his body temperature is boosted, so he doesn't freeze! And if he does his cells regenerate too fast for the cold! That's genius actually!" Cisco appeared squeakily happy at this information, already thinking of the calculations he could run on this situation.

"See! And besides why would you ever think we're together. He's with Iris and we both know that Barry Allen is not a cheater. I, myself, am also most definitely not a cheater and certainly no one's other woman."

"You mean you don't know?" Cisco asked her so innocently before his eyes blew up in shock.

"I don't know what?" She asked cautiously.

"Nothing- Not nothing but you know- nothing. I mean there's nothing to know. Absolutely nothing. Not a thing. Not one single thing. Okay? Okay. Just-" The entire time his voice had been going higher and higher until at this point it was merely a squeak of babbled information.

"Cisco." She growled out, allowing some of her Killer Frost personality to come out to play in order to strike fear into his heart, her voice momentarily becoming all ethereal like as her irises became cold in colour. "Tell me what this _nothing_ is." Her act being accompanied by frost slowly menacingly forming on the all the surfaces of the room and a sudden drop in temperature.

"He's staying with me because he and Iris are on a… break?"

"Why?"

"I don't know. Now stop this. It's not cool man, not cool at all to scare your best friend like this." He frowned at her and she smirked not stopping yet.

"You're a good friend to him, and my best." She said pleased that he still considered her as such, allowing the room and herself to go back to normal. Instead of returning to work she walked out of the room to go have an apparently long overdue chat with that idiot of a friend of hers. Making for the exit of Star Labs she just so happened to find him walking in. Obviously he knew something was up as before she could even open her mouth they were standing in the pipeline, so she just scowled at him.

"Hey Caitlin… Didn't see you there…" He spoke in that long false tone he used when he knew she knew he was lying. She raised one eyebrow at him and saw him visibly gulp. This fear wasn't reminiscent of Killer Frost but more of Doctor Snow his erstwhile physician, who just so happened to hold a little more fear in him.

"We need to talk, Barry."

"Do we?" He pleaded hopefully that for once they didn't. Never had anyone said those words to him and it had ended well. His still on-going spat with Iris being the most recent evidence of that.

"Yes. Were you going to tell me you've been living with Cisco?"

"No?" What did where he live have anything to do with anything?

"Why are you living with Cisco?" She sighed out.

"He's fun to live with?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "Fine, Iris and I are busy fighting and I got kicked out of the apartment." He sighed giving up on not having this talk.

"About?"

"You. She's _uncomfortable_ with how much we touch each other and she gave me an ultimatum. Either we stop having physical contact with each other or Iris and I are done."

"And?"

"And what? I tried to explain to her that it was to keep you sane and nothing more but she didn't believe me. I made you a promise Cait and I don't abandon my friends."

Moving closer to him she studied him for a few seconds, he really was too much of a nice guy that cared too much about everyone around him, so she slapped the back of his head. "You dummy, this is your future wife we're talking about. I don't care what it means for me, you go back to her now. Apologise and say yes to whatever demands she makes when it comes to me. I managed to cope with this for nearly five months and I'm sure I can for rest of my life." She rolled her eyes in fake confidence and strolled out of the pipeline, using his shock to her advantage, only faltering when a soft ' _thanks Cait'_ reached her ears.

She did try to cope with it though, her only option being to take the cold turkey route and it worked for all of a couple of weeks. During that time she had noticed two things. The first was that Iris was appearing in the building more, not more but definitely more than the past few weeks when they had been fighting, and even trying to be helpful around the place. Though in a twist of childishly amusing irony Caitlin, the woman with the surname of Snow and powers of ice, was getting the cold shoulder from the up and coming reporter. The second was that after more than a few times of her head turning to thoughts of touching someone she was considering entering a rehab program. Did they even have the AA equivalent of someone craving human touch because they were physically incapable of the act without instantly hurting that person? She guessed not with a sigh. Besides what would they even call it? _Skin-holics Anonymous?_ That didn't really roll off the tongue.

Barry at least hadn't changed anything else between them, they still talked and joked with each other in a way that was oddly similar to before the whole flashpoint fiasco. The only discernible difference now being that they were mindful of the distance between them, leaving things slightly awkward but not enough to really be noticeable. Cisco in all his glory as her best friend just kept giving her smiles and treating her like always. They still continued their normal routine of working together and sometimes doing something fun together. Like watching movies, which he thought would be a great opportunity to be funny from now on and started choosing films that related to cold powers in some form. The latest being Frozen which in retrospect was funny, especially when she nailed him in the face with a snowball.

"Caitlin!" A voice called snapping her out of her thoughts. In front of her stood Iris waving her hands in an attempt to get her attention.

"Iris?" She frowned, what would Iris possibly want from her enough to stop giving her the cold shoulder.

"Yeah, hey…" The reporter scratched the nape of her neck and looked sheepish, her confidence in whatever she was here for suddenly gone. "Umm… I need to ask you a question."

"Okay." Her own voice uncertain at this point.

"Are you- Do you- Okay, there's no easy way of asking this. Do you have feelings for Barry?"

That made Caitlin frown mostly because she was not expecting a question like that. A little from the vagueness of the question also, did Iris mean as friend or colleagues. No Iris would definitely mean romantically. "No."

"Good."

"Good?"

"Yes good." Came with a little anger behind it. Was Iris threatening her? Caitlin honestly hoped not because if the reporter wanted a fight she would get one and it would definitely not be a fair one. Hell Caitlin could, if she wanted to, probably jab a piece of ice through Iris's skinny little neck before anyone would be able to react, so she wasn't too scared of her chances in a fight.

"Goodbye Iris." Caitlin said not caring that it sounded bitchy and rude.

"Yeah goodbye." Iris said in her own foreboding tone.

The next day there was a noticeable lack of the Flash at Star Labs, even when getting and returning his suit to its mantle he didn't stop to talk to her or Cisco, which in itself was unusual. But it was one day and then it never happened again. Instead it again went back to normal, he would stay and chat with them, he would join them when they did something fun and randomly pop in when he could. Really it felt like the days before they had discovered who Harrison Wells really was. Just the three of them working and occasionally partying together, and Caitlin would admit that while all the additions to the team were welcome she had missed this closeness of just the three of them.

The next day she was beginning to feel a little irritated as she stood in the lobby of the police prescient. Cisco and Barry was supposed to be here already so that they could all go get coffee together. Odd that for two meta-humans, one that was faster than sound and the other that could make portals to anywhere, they were always late. Really what were stereotypes for if not to be used by her as an excuse for her own tardiness? Pulling out her phone, which with her powers had built up a little wear and tear, she scrolled through the contact bar until she came to Cisco which she promptly dialled.

"I'm on my way!" He yelled and disconnected the call. A couple of seconds later he was walking through the building's doors. His normal ensemble complete with matching garbage in his hair. Actual garbage.

"Where did you land?" Her tone laced with amusement.

"In the trash cans outside. Why…" She pointed out the filth and he grumbled before going off to find a bathroom. Cisco was one person she was definitely glad to have in her life and not only for the comedic relief that naturally followed him like a puppy.

"Caitlin, hi. What are you doing here?" Joe asked genuinely happy to see her.

"Just waiting for Cisco and Barry. How are you doing, heard anything from Wally recently?" She smiled at him, thankful that he was still nice to her.

"Not in a while but otherwise I'm good. Can't really complain about having one of my kids living under my roof again." He joked, genuinely happy that that was the case. She though was focussed on the math that didn't add up. One kid away in another universe and the other two engaged and living together. He didn't have a fourth kid so what was she missing. "I do miss Wally, do you think Cisco would be able to take us over for a while? I'm sure Iris would love to see him too." Someone really should give this man an award for being the best farther ever.

"Like some kind of inter-dimensional tour guide? Yeah I think he would love the opportunity. I'll mention it to him when he's gets back from the bathroom which is taking forever by the way."

"Thanks and-" They both looked down as his pager beeped. "Sorry Caitlin, I've got to run. Enjoy your day and say hi to Barry for me." He called as he jogged away to attend to whatever emergency was going on.

"Hey ready to go?" Barry asked as he momentarily gripped her clothed shoulder from next to Cisco.

"Yeah." She replied still looking at where Joe had left, wondering what exactly she was missing in this newly discovered puzzle and not really noticing her environment.

It was a couple of days on when the urges started to come. She had been on the roof of her building watching the sun go down and basking in its temporary warmth. She found herself doing it more often since her own powers had kicked in. Before she had enjoyed the cold much more than the warmth but she could feel so little of it now that she relished the opportunities she got. Watching it until it was almost completely gone she felt content till a cold breeze brushed past her. That was what had set off her urge, not the cold breeze but that she had to assume that it was cold. She could hardly feel normal variations in temperature anymore and none of the things that used to comfort her in times of crisis worked anymore. The only things that seemed to relieve any of the tension she felt was either letting loose her powers or touching someone. The latter not being an option anymore had her mind only focusing on that and before she could catch herself her mind was turning to finding anyone and touching them regardless of the cost. So Caitlin did the only thing that she could and ran. Forming ice paths ahead of her she moved to the desert outside the city. There she could let her control slip and just tire herself out. She was almost there when one of Cisco's portals opened up immediately in front of her and spat her out in the pipeline. There stood Barry, alone, as he thanked Cisco and hung up his phone. She glared at him wondering just what the hell was going on until he held out his hand with a broody expression. The message clear even if neither had said anything.

"No."

"It's fine. It doesn't matter anymore." He said a little melancholic.

"Of course it matters! Happy wife happy life and all that bullshit! Unless Iris, _YOUR FIANCE_ , gave you an explicit all clear then I'm not doing it, and I highly doubt she did."

"Ex." He hitched a little through the tears that were starting to spill. Seeing him cry at what she realised had happened she forget about herself and hugged him as tight as she could. Not for her own personal benefit but because her friend needed support. His tears caused her to also start crying, crying for both their situations.

"What happened?" She asked when they were both snivelling, not wanting to hear the truth.

"No idea. We were good again and then the other day she came in to the apartment and demanded that-"

"I told you to just agree to whatever demands she had about me."

"It wasn't just about you. She demanded I stop talking to both you and Cisco. That I remove you guys completely from my life."

"Why not just say yes. We would have understood."

"I told you Caitlin. I do not abandon my friends."

"You're an idiot." She said not even trying to make it sound like anything other than sincere appreciation. He was an idiot but he was their idiot also.

Gradually things began improving for them again. She could once again touch another living individual, though she limited it in an attempt to not push him, and he slowly got that unique hope of his back. The team dynamics stayed relatively the same after Iris completely ghosted them all, even Joe didn't know where she was. They still got regular emails from Julian, who after HR's death had gone back to London for another pursuit though he had admitted it was from too many bad memories surrounding the death of people he cared for. Caitlin even started to go out sometimes to play hero for which she was starting to be recognised as, though she still avoided the police. Eventually after another few months, almost a year since Barry's engagement fell through, Joe decided it was time for him to visit Wally, whom they have had no contact with since he went over. Cisco graciously but certainly not humbly had shepherded them all across, the three of them deciding a one day vacation was in order. Their own city would be fine as Cisco had rigged it with inter-dimensional sensors to go off if any meta-human activity occurred and they could be back in a flash.

Arriving there they were greeted by an empty room before Earth-2's Harrison Wells, or as they called him Harry, strolled in looking as grumpy as ever.

"And to what do we owe this pleasure? Another evil speedster?" He griped but gave them all that grumpy look that they had come to know as his smile, which meant he was happy they were here.

"I hope not, just here to visit Wally. Have you seen him?" Joe asked.

In lieu of answering Harry held up three fingers and lowered one as each second passed. As the third fell, in came two lightning streaks that turned out to be Wally and Jesse. Realisation crossing his face Wally quickly hugged his father before greeting everyone else, Jesse just behind him.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"Just came for a visit." Barry supplied.

"Yeah you don't write or call or visit." Cisco chipped in, "Some might think you're even avoiding us." He finished with a shoulder punch to show he was joking.

Wally and Jesse's faces on the other hand fell flat and they shared a few guilty looks. Rubbing the nape of his neck Wally turned to Joe looking sheepish. "Yeah about that…"

"You were avoiding me?" The hurt evident in Joe's voice.

"No, no. Well yes. But…"

"Wally, just tell him. I'm sure there's no way he can react worse than my dad did." Jesse wrapped her arms around him from behind. She's pretty sure her father hunting down Wally, who was running for his life from the very same person, for a week was supposed to be taken as a loving gesture but that could only happen in his eyes. In hers it caused undue and unhealthy stress for her body at the time.

"Uh. I kind of have someone I need you guys to meet? Do you know where he is?" Wally asked Harry.

Again Harry did the same, counting down on his fingers. When the last one dropped in came another lightning streak, a much shorter and younger lightning streak. "Joe," Jesse this time spoke, "this is your grandson. Joe Harrison West-Wells. Joey this is your other grandfather." Everyone looked in shock at the little boy that looked almost six years old. His combined surname ringing in their ears.

"You're married and a farther? Congratulations man." Barry engulfed his adoptive sibling in a hug as Caitlin hugged Jesse. Joe at a loss for words simply hugged the child as tears formed.

"I'm a grandfather?" He asked, not managing to process the information but over the moon nonetheless.

"Yeah, I would have called sooner but we were trying to stop his rapid ageing and I was a bit… scared." Engulfing his own son in a hug Joe simply told him that Wally would never have to fear a negative reaction from him about anything concerning family. Cisco and Caitlin immediately started speaking with Harry and Jesse about the science behind the boy and how they slowed his enhanced ageing. Leaving Barry to speak to his nephew who excitedly rambled everything about himself at super speed.

"And did you see those cheekbones! He was so adorable." Caitlin cooed as she, Barry and Cisco walked down the lit street. Exploring this Central City at a leisurely pace now that there weren't people trying to kill them, and looking for a bar or something to party at. The main reason being that they wanted to give the grandfathers, the married couple and their kid some time together.

"Okay Caitlin, calm your mama bear genes." Cisco half joked, having heard enough about how cute a six year old is from a woman that claimed to have no warm emotions.

"Barry please punch him." She asked a little irritated that she couldn't fawn more over the adorable little boy. Barry just shrugged grinning to himself at their antics before hitting Cisco lightly on the shoulder.

"Ow! Dude what the hell?"

"Oh come on, it wasn't that hard." Caitlin immediately defended Barry.

"Maybe not but I'm delicate. You know I bruise like a plum and there's only so much of this perfection to go around. What would the ladies think?" That earned him another hit from Barry and a _playful_ shove from Caitlin, sending him stumbling a few steps.

"Let's go in here!" Caitlin nearly shrieked when a karaoke bar came into view, grabbed their hands and dragged them in ignoring their protests.

Barry watched as Cisco and Caitlin, past the point of tipsy, danced with each other between all the people on the open floor just in front of the stage where another patron was doing a rendition of ' _You're So Vain'_. He laughed as Cisco banged his head repeatedly to each side, his hair whipping about, and Caitlin did something akin to an interpretive hand jive. No amount of alcohol in the world would be able to make him forget this and no amount of hacking or threatening on their part would be able to make him delete the video he was recording.

"Barry come join us!" Caitlin yelled and waved him over, he just waved back not willing to make a fool of himself when sober, which was all the time as alcohol never worked on him. "Oh come on!" She yelled and stormed over intent on dragging him to the dance floor. The only reason she didn't was because they were calling her name as she was next in the cue to sing. "Sing with me!" The alcohol she had digested whispering to her what a good idea this was.

"Caitlin, I really don't think this is a good idea." Considering the last time she was drunk and did this, while fun, had proven she wasn't much of a singer. Completely ignored he resigned himself to his fate and watched as she selected the song. He almost groaned out loud when she picked ' _Don't go breaking my heart'._

Starting to sway to the music he couldn't help but smile as she tapped her foot along to the beat causing him to miss her raising her microphone to start. Instead of off tune and horrendous singing the first line came out near perfect. He was so in shock he missed the first part of his line completely.

"Oh honey if I get restless." She continued and waved at him.

Snapping out of it, "Baby you're not that kind."

Finding the rhythm he smiled as the crowd joined in with a woohoo, some of the patrons already starting to dance to the song as the others watched them.

"Don't go breaking my heart!"

"You take the weight of me!"

"Honey when you knock on my door!"

"I gave you my key!"

Again the crowd joined in with their woohoo, everyone dancing pleasantly as Cisco whistled at them. Barry had to admit he hadn't had this much fun in a while so he held out his hand to his singing partner and twirled her at the chorus causing a few chuckles from her and the crowd as they sang and danced together. The entire time their grins at each other were growing, only not visible to the other when she was twirling in his arms.

"You put the sparks to the flame!"

"I've got your heart in my sights!" He finished and side hugged her as they bowed to the applauding crowd. Once off stage though he had to know. "How did you do that?" His own adrenalin fuelled joy not contained at all.

"Easy, the cold causes my vocal cords to shrink. By varying it I can adjust how my voice sounds." She smiled at him before a sobering realisation hit her. "Oh god! I sang!" Her eyes going large and her voice full of wonder.

"Yes you did." He grinned at her, enjoying the night fully. "At least this time it appears you're not too drunk to forget." He joked.

Her expression changed for a moment, so fast he almost missed it. Looking at her, the determination and mischievous confidence was palpable. "Pity, how am I supposed to get you to my room this time?" She winked as she passed him to re-join Cisco at their table, leaving him a shocked mess.

A few days later the three of them were saying goodbye to Wally, Jesse, Harry and Joe. Wally was staying indefinitely and Joe was staying for a couple of months before coming back. What no one except him knew was that he was in the middle of a decision of what to do with his future, of choosing an Earth.

"Call us!" Cisco yelled as they all jumped through. "Well that was fun." He said smiling as he made for the exit, closing the breach behind them and intent on going home.

"Yeah…" Barry agreed, his mind obviously somewhere else and not noticing his compatriots leaving. "Hey Cait-"

"Iris?" Cisco shrieked out as the woman in question stumbled into him, swaying as they bounced apart and continued to stumble towards Barry at an uncoordinated pace. Everyone was staring at her just waiting to see what the drunk woman would do.

"Happy one year anniversary!" She merrily yelled out and consumed Barry in a hug. "Do you want to…" she stopped momentarily scowling trying to remember, "start over?"

"Guys, can you leave us alone?" Barry asked, looking directly at her and then Cisco until they reluctantly accepted.

Walking out into the hallway Cisco grabbed her by the shoulder and raised a finger to his lips before pointing at a security camera, one of the many that littered Star Labs. The question he was asking clear. She could decline and keep some of the shattered morals she had left, probably also not feel like a genuine A-grade asshole afterwards or… Or she could accept and satiate her desires of knowing what was going on. She nodded her head and Cisco opened a portal that spat them out in the cortex.

A few seconds later they were intently watching the live feed, delayed by only a second, of Barry and Iris in the breach room where they had left them only seconds ago. Barry was trying to gently remove Iris from his body but was encountering difficulties, namely Iris clinging to him like a koala. Another few attempts and he sighed before giving up, instead he wrapped her in his arms and lightly rubbed her back.

"Iris, what's going on?"

"I missed you."

"Where have you been? It's almost been a year, no ones' seen you or even heard from you."

Instead of answering Caitlin watched as Iris shrugged and burrowed further into him. He apparently wasn't having any of it anymore, ripping her away he held her so that she was forced to look at him.

"Iris. Were where you? We were all worried sick, do you even know what Joe and I did all to try and find you? Do you even care?" He was nearly yelling at her.

"I'm sorry okay! Just take me back please…"

Caitlin leaned forward, almost wishing she was in that room to stake a claim. But she wasn't so she couldn't and the result of the events she was witnessing were going to be pretty obvious. So all she could do was lean nearer to the screen and watch, hoping against reason that he'll say no and see what's in front of him. Her. At the final instant of a silent pause the screens went black… whipping around to see what had caused it she saw Cisco standing by the socket holding the plug for the extension cord the screens all shared. She glared at him and he glared back.

"I was all for it but not when it's that serious of a talk."

"What's so serious about it? We all know that he's going to take her back." She yelled at her friend, her emotions running rampant.

"Is that what's stopping you?" He yelled back working his agenda unbeknownst to her.

"Is what stopping me from what?" Now she was irritated with him especially since he was being so intentionally antagonistic.

"Is the fear that you'll be second to Iris stopping you from trying to be with Barry."

"You're insane. What even makes you think I want to be with Barry?"

"So, so much."

"There is nothing between us."

"But you want there to be."

"Yes!" Caitlin eyes went wide and she clapped her hands over her mouth. Cisco smirked at her before stepping through a portal disappearing from her sight. A cough from behind her had her spinning around to see Barry shuffling gawkily on his spot. For once she knew what it felt like to wish the earth below her would swallow her whole. "How-"

"All of it."

"Oh."

"Yeah… oh."

"Why is there puke on you?" She had just noticed it and it was the perfect distraction.

"Iris."

"Oh right… listen about what I just said. Just ignore it, I hope you'll be happy with Iris and nothing has to be awkward between us. Okay." She rushed to the exit having to pass by him which only made the whole situation so much more embarrassing, too much for her to handle and blocking out the sigh that came from behind her. Her eyes were starting to sting and she refused to let him see her cry, not now and not about this.

"How about I take you out some time before you decide we just ignore all of this." Barry appeared as she rounded the corner. No smirk on his face this time, only a solemn but hopeful look, almost like he was preparing himself for rejection but hoping it wouldn't come.

"I am no one's second choice Barry, and I'm definitely not a cheater." She blew past him and continued for the exit.

"Please Caiti, can I take you on a date? By the way you can only be a cheater if one or both of us is actively dating, I know I'm not so are you seeing anyone at this moment?" Again he appeared ahead of her.

"As lovely as that sounds there is still Iris. And you know I'm not." She replied honestly but ignoring the part of him mentioning he was single at the moment.

"No there isn't." That stopped her in her tracks as she rounded the next corner. "There also never was a choice. When I was with her I never saw you in that way, you know that. You also know that I would never treat you like a consolation prize, hell what do you think I was trying to ask you in the pipeline?"

"So no Iris?" He shook his head. "…Fine then, I accept."

"At least try to sound a little more enthusiastic miss cold." He rolled his smiling eyes with a grin and she couldn't decide if she wanted to smack it off of him or kiss it off.

Caitlin looked at herself in the mirror. It was ridiculous and she knew it, she knew just the extent to which it was ridiculous but somehow it seemed like a life and death matter. Hanging her head in exasperation she threw the red sun dress in her hand onto the growing heap in the corner of her closest. It was just getting dressed for work but it was also getting dressed for her date with Barry.

Once she had gotten to work, time seemed to move more slowly, they had decided a lunch date would be best. Since that was when they were the least likely to be bothered. By the time Barry showed up, which was actually a half hour too early, she was prepared to slit her own wrists from boredom. Instead he had taken her hand, skin on skin, and sped them to where they were going. It turned out to be the pipeline, just past the door, and there was a picnic blanket already laid out with a matching wicker basket.

"Uh I know the whole thing is a bit cheesy but it seemed like the perfect idea in my head." He started nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "I mean this is where most of our _big_ moments happened, you know?"

She chuckled a little at him, finding the fact that he could be this embarrassed about something she finds so adorable. "It's perfect." Moving to the blanket he helped her sit down, more out of chivalry than a damsel ideal, and they officially started their date.

Her words rang true in her mind as it progressed, the entire thing feeling natural and not forced. He was sweet and overly romantic to the point of sappy but she couldn't bring herself to find fault with it. She loved all the attention he was giving and when he presented her a single red rose at the end of the date she was sure she blushed again. As time progressed they started going on more dates until they finally started 'dating', the only downside she could find was Cisco's incessant teasing which abruptly ended when a snowball was planted in his mouth at super speed.

Present:

It all lead to her standing here, in his bedroom of his apartment, a year and a half later wearing one of his oversized shirts and her panties. She was so glad he was resistant to her natural coldness because the sex, which started only a few months ago at her behest, was mind blowing. All of that though melted away into panic once she had opened his sock drawer to look for that exact item, a pair of fluffy ones preferably as she waited for him to finish showering, and found a ring box inside. Fear gripped her throat and her vision was becoming blurry, it couldn't mean what she thought it meant, right? But it had to, he had bought her an engagement ring. She couldn't. She wouldn't. If she said yes then that would mean she was in love with him, an emotion she had been doing her damn best to ignore and not analyse since they had been together. For one reason only, if she did analyse it and found that she loved him then it would mean she was forced to love him. Forced to love the only man she capable of touching, for the reason that he was the only man she was capable of touching. And that was the crucial part of herself she had learnt, she did not like to be forced.

Still staring at the ring is how Barry found her and startled her out of her over speeding mind, him hugging her from behind as she could feel the droplets of water on his chest freezing due to proximity to her.

"It's beautiful right?" He asked, not sounding nervous at all. That her mind couldn't process and not just because it was already sinking under the weight of a million other thoughts. How could he not be nervous about this?

"Yeah." She replied not thinking about her words.

"I've had that for so long already, I think I almost forgot about it." How long had he been planning to propose to her? How had she missed the warning signs, were there even warning signs? There had to be right? If he was going to ask her now, his hand a little forced by her and her stupidity, she would need to play catch up on analysing her feelings and finally decide if she was in love with him.

"Oh?" She knew she liked him, that much was obvious. But love? Well what was love in her definition? To her it sounded like coming home, like seeing them and thinking that you wouldn't mind seeing that face every morning and every night for the rest of your life, seeing a future with that person that included all the usual shit. Shit like children, dinner with the in-laws, pets and stuff like that that every person secretly wanted. Things she wanted, with him. Holy shit, did she want to have a child with him? If she followed her own definition then she was so in love with him already, she was essentially whipped. But this was all because she could only touch him, which was what drove him and Iris apart according to her conscience and opened a possibility for them. This was because she was forcing herself.

"Yeah, that reminds me by the way. I should probably take it to the jewellers to get it cleaned. If mom was alive and she knew I let her ring get that filthy she probably would've skinned me alive." He chuckled, kissed her neck and she felt all the tension dissipate from her body. He moved away to get dressed as she put the ring back and forgot about the socks she wanted, instead she laid down on the bed and did something she knew no one was forcing her to do.

"Hey Barry?"

"Yeah?" He replied failing to hop into his jeans.

"I love you."

 **Hope you enjoyed. Comments, kudos and follows are always appreciated as they feed my addiction.**


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